(Some of these reprinted with kind permission from www.professionalgambler.com )
There is the story about the fellow who borrowed some money from another gambler for groceries. 'Hey.I thought you needed the money for groceries!' said the lender when he saw the fellow taking a bet a short while later. 'Oh I've got gambling money' said the fellow 'Im out of grocery money.'
'I dont mind losing the bets' complained one gambler. 'I just hate losing the money'
'I hope I break even today-I need the money'
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the state lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
"My husband's going to a casino in central Asia."
"Of course, why else would he go!"
The Blonde and the Two Dealers
Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"
Blonde in Vegas
A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he said "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"
If you have a funny gambling story please email me and I will be happy to publish it.